1759Magpie's Blog
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Jan
11

This is the last post from atop my perach
i have enjoyed brining you continual posts of art and beer over the last couple off posts and as my deadline is close at hand i feel obligated to thank my loyal fan base of readers for all the online and offline support and advice you have given me over the past turm and i hope that all of you have enjoyed my rants as much as ive enjoyed posting them.

Thank you all

The Bird has left the pirch

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Dec
03

What is beer?

By any other name would it taste so good? There are many types of beer: Ale, Lager, Beer. These can then be subcategorized down into many more variations. This includes pale ales, bitters and barely wines.

There is a subtle difference between them though. This difference can vary from ingredients to brewing process. For example with lager barley is the prominent ingredient so a sweet aroma and taste matures. This is how the flavour of lager develops into a soft light hearted taste; this is also how you can distinguish lager from beer and ale. Whilst Beer is brewed with cereals mixed with a slow fermenting yeast, giving it a strong powerfully deep taste. Then we have ales which are brewed with the same ingredients but with a much faster acting yeast which allows the flavour to be much precise and prominent.

Thanks for reading my Breif Muse on What is beer

The bird has flown

Dec
02

Hello intermerweb

Today I’m going to be looking at one of the most pretentious artists I’ve seen for a while. Now this artist is not only extremely pretentious but also no one seems to be impressed with her work which begs the question why is she still on the public radar? The artist I am referring to is none other than Tracy Emin.

I’ve found through watching interviews and reading articles that Tracy Emin is an artist on the same line of her contemporary Sarah Lucas. Emin, like Lucas, is an artist who turns up either drunk or stoned to her interviews and also produces shockingly bad work. But the difference that I’ve found between Tracy Emin and Sarah Lucas is that the art world and public are either indifferent towards Emin’s work or hate it, and her with a passion. So this really does ask the question if no one in either of the two worlds likes her or her art work why is she still being commissioned to produce ‘art’?

The main reason why Emin is such a bad artist is because she doesn’t even attempt to push the boundaries of art. Now I know that not all artists push the boundaries of acceptable art but they still produce good work. Emin however, does not because she’s pretentious, a person who has all the pomposity and big headedness to back up the ‘boundary art type’ but yet she falls short by not delivering with her work. A lot of Emin’s instillations such as ‘My Bed’ are very complicated in construction and content emulating the idea that she is an alcoholic who’s set up home in a gallery because its warm and out of the rain. As complicated as it is with its construction it falls incredibly short in lacking any meaning or content apart from the fact that Emin spent seven days of her life writhing about drunk and on the verge of suicide because of her relationship problems. One might think that those seven days could have been put to better use in rehab.

Emin’s ‘art’ is incredibly lazy. It is obvious. It is meaningless and it is not remotely good to look at. The key feature of art, if it has no metaphor or depth, is to at least be acceptable to look at without needing a sick bag. The most surprising thing of Emin is that she has a cult following. Not of fans more along the lines of passionate haters of her and the detestable work she produces. Which throws up the most important question of all. Why does she still get work? The answer to this question is simple. It is because she is hated, that she is famous. This is mainly because she has become a cult object of bad art which everyone hates. Due to this level of discontent, her work has gained value becoming infamous. This has on the whole created more work for her because everyone knows who Tracy Emin is. Emin has unfortunately become a household name, for how not to produce art and also how not to live your life. It really is a shame that she has gained this level of popularity. Mainly because it adding to her bloated egoistic idea about what art is. Emin’s view of art is, and I quote “art is anything I want it to be its my world and it’s for others to take a look upon my imagination, my soul and look deep into it, it ’could’ make you see things in a different light and have a purpose or it could have no purpose other than to fascinate or horrify the viewer or even simply personal expression of a personal matter too you, but to ask what it is…is just ridiculous.” As we can tell from this Emin believes art to be her life story which we all reflect upon and integrate it into our own lives, affecting us in our day to day comings and goings. How is this woman allowed to walk the streets unescorted? She has more or less declared herself to be a god walking the earth, who needs to be worshipped and adored by all. How large an ego does this woman have? Most artists see themselves as working towards a higher greatness, setting their name in history. However, to see yourself as art incarnate is a completely different level of lunacy.

I could go on all day about Emin but there would be little point in doing so. Is she an artist or not? I leave the decision to you.

The Bird has flown

Nov
26

Hello intermerweb

Today I am going to review a Lager.

Now this is usually a Lager i avoid like the plague but since it was on offer hell lets pop the cap and delve right in

Now the main reason that i avoid this particular beverage is well its got an unsatisfactory blend of hops and barley which more or less makes it taste like piss. Well hey it comes from france after all so it most likely is. The taste is so unpleasant that i would rather currently be drinking methylated spirits rather than this. The inebriation effect is non existant, the taste as ive stated is poor to say the least and it also seems to have a weird effect of coating my teeth with a layer of scum. This is the only beer to do this to me and the only logical reason for it is that my body is trying to shield itself from this swill.

In summary this beer is not a wise choose to make in buy and would really rather still have the 40P that it cost in my pocket to go towards a better beer like newky brew.

Thanks for reading

The Bird has flown

Nov
21

Hello intermerweb

Today I am going to review a ‘psychopath’

Many modern day people consider this man a genius, a true artist of our time blah blah blah. But in actual fact he is none of these things. He is a fully whacked out ‘psychopath’. The ‘man’, if you still consider him human, is none other than Gunter Von Hagen.

This man has completely and utterly crossed the borderline of art and ventured into his personal hobby of maiming corpses. I am amazed at how this even passes for art. But I’m getting too far ahead of myself. First let’s talk about the ‘man’ Gunter Von Hagen. Born Gunther Liebchen on the 10 January 1945 to his father Gerhard Liebchen, a German SS soldier. Gunter had a promising start to his life fleeing with his family at 5 days old from the advancing Russian troops out of Poland back to Germany. I don’t really think I need to go any further with this as you can see where I am going with it.

Gunter conducted his studies in medicine at the University of Jena from 1965. In 1977 Gunter perfected his plastination technique, which he used to preserve living tissue in a preserved form. For the rest of the 70’s and 80’s Gunter used his plastination technique to preserve small medical specimens for research. This was the only purpose for which his plastination technique should ever have been used. It was not until the 90’s that he said to himself “Vielleicht kann ich diese auf den Menschen zu nutzen und weiterzugeben es ab als Kunst, Voraus an die Herrenrasse”. which for thoses of you who don’t speak German means “Maybe I can use this on Humans and pass it off as art”. And this is how ‘Body World’ came into being.

Now I’ve talked to you a lot about Gunter’s past but not much about his work so let’s take a look at the typical formula for one of ‘its’ (note I no longer class him as human) ‘master pieces’. The formula is, Take one freshly deceased Human body, cut out the parts you don’t want, then distort the muscles or bones in an amusing manner which satisfies his fantasies and then inject with plastic. Leave to cool and set. Then show the world how mentally unstable you are by passing off your horrific inhumane transgressions to the world as art

The entire premise behind Gunter’s work is to show off the beauty of the human body to the world, and yes I do agree that the human body is beautiful, whilst also being a perfect example of perfect engineering. But having it distorted into multiple sections and torn apart which makes me think of hell. What Gunter has done is, to take a beautiful object like the human body and distort it and mutilate it to a state which no longer even resembles its past self. Yes many consider this to be art, from some point of view because of all the hype and trumpery they argue to back up his disgusting and immoral experiments. There is no beauty in the image of a man holding his own skin and looking up to heaven nor is there in the image of a woman dancing with her cardiovascular system. The entirety of Gunter’s work is sheer sacrilegious anarchy. He is a butcher of human beings carving them into whatever new position excites his loathsome mind. And this is just the basic aesthetic level of his work. Delving deeper into this madness we arrive at the most important factor for why his work is degenerate. The reason is plain and simple what he is carving up for ‘art’ used to be a living breathing human being. A person who you could have passed in the street, talked to, were friends with, loved. And what has Gunter done with them? None other than destroy the last physical link of them to earth by destroying the person’s image for his own shallow gains. It doesn’t matter if you believe in the presence of a soul or not, you cannot deny that there is something in all of us that makes us special and unique. Whether it is physical or spiritual, it’s there. So, even the idea that someone would want to destroy such a beautiful thing as a human body is beyond words.

Gunter Von Hagen has crossed a line, not only in the art world but in every aspect of our society. We are halfway down a very slippery slope which we should never have started down. With today’s declining morals and loss of our sense of humanity, in a world where desecrating human remains is considered art, makes me wish that there was no tomorrow.

When the day comes, when we look back and realise what we have allowed Gunter will have to answer for his crimes not only for his barbaric forms of art but also for his profane treatment and disregard of life, I pray that his end will be equivalent to what he considers ‘BEAUTIFUL ART’

Thank you for reading my review.

Nov
21

Hello intermerweb

Today I am looking at a stoner

Now you might be asking yourself which stoner is it? Aren’t all artists stoners? Blah Blah Blah. Now this particular stoner’s name is Sarah Lucas. Now I’m going to take you out of my normal review of art work today and mainly just talk about her as, well, a person, which I think she’s passing herself off as. Either that, or a house plant. It’s very hard to tell with her. Then her art work, so let’s delve right in

First I would like to show you one of her ‘art’ pieces, and her reaction to it just to give you the general feeling about her. This piece in particular gives all the tell-tale signs of a classic stoner. This piece is called “Two fried eggs and a Donnar kebab”

Now when I first saw this piece I genuinely thought that she had put a lot of thought into its construction. But then I saw the “Saatchi Galleries top 100” which had an interview with Sarah Lucas about this piece of work in particular, and well, all she really said about the piece was that the fried eggs looked good on the table so she put a donnar kebab next to it. She then went into great depth about how she tried unvarnishing then revarnishing the table over and over again (Interested and fascinated by simple and meaningless tasks? *ahem* Stoner). And well, after hearing her more or less say that the “eggs looked good on table so I put donner kebab to improve it” kinda killed all of the symbolism behind what she had presented.

This is the same for a large proportion of her other works as well. More or less it is art from a purely visual point of view but only from that, and it’s the same for her defending it as well. Her response more or less is just “Looked good so I did it”. I mean come on how the hell is she getting away with this and is still classified as an artist? I could understand her if she had intent behind her work which is visible to us and not just her drug addled brain. That’s another thing, in her interviews she’s either drunk or high as a kite. How can you take this woman seriously when she presents blatantly sexual innuendos as works of art which aren’t subtle or creative and then more or less say nothing in their defence apart from that she spent hours varnishing and stripping a table?

But the thing which amazes me most of all is that the art world eats it up and calls it amazing art. It’s at this point that I say “Screw it,” and start reviewing beer, because you obviously have to be in on it to be able to understand any work which she produces. This is a classic case of the ’emperor’s new clothes’ only those who are artistic understand art or some nonsense like that.

I’m not condemning Sarah Lucas’s art…… Well I am but that’s mainly because of the artist and the lack of her intent or purpose. As I’ve stated in my “What is Art?” review, art should have a deeper meaning than just the surface aesthetics, and that is why Sarah Lucas is just a stoner with an entourage of adoring critics.

Thank you for reading this.

Nov
18

Hello Intermerweb

Today I am going to review a Lager.

Now this a larger which ive never tyed before today so lets pull the ringpull and start drinking Crown.

The taste of crown is not a very strong or potent taste which is what im used to. more of a pleasent blend of barly and frute. this creates a relaxing effect, calming if you will. The taste is spectacular when combined with the lite anebriation effect. This is a very quaint larger which i will most defintly come back to. the taste is plesently unique but at the same time conforming to what i precive a larger should taste like.

And theres good news for all you non meat eating defeatists. this larger is vegatarian friendly.

This is a highly recomendable larger, defintly not one to pass up when beer shopping

The Bird has flown

Nov
17

Hello intermerweb

Today I am going to throw out a question for all you art lovers.

What is art?

Now this is one of the most difficult questions to answer. This is mainly because there is no definite answer. The answer to this question is similar to the question “What is the meaning of life?”. Every one has a different answer to the question. All of the answers are right but yet at the same time all of them are wrong.

Many great minds over the years have tried to answer this puzzling question but the one person who in my opinion summerises this best is Leo Tolstoy who philosophised “art must create a specific emotional link between artist and audience, one that “infects” the viewer”.

Art has a personal subject matter for everyone. Each person will like different styles and forms of art. Many people disagree about what is considered art or not. Some people believe art to be only for a short instance of time such as a ballet or interpretive dance. Others believe that art is only relevant for the generation which understands the meaning of the time and some people believe that all colours represented on canvas are senseless dots. Whilst some believe in the timeless enchantment of music which is passed down from age to age unchanged instilling inspiration, touching each mans soul.

All of these views are right but yet all of them are wrong. The key reason for this as I have previously stated is that art is relative from person to person. Each person perceives different forms of art to be good whilst others to be bad.

My stand point on art is the most logical and widely believed by all intelligent and logical people. This is that art should be able to stand the test of time, it should inspire, it should motivate, it should be memorable and of the utmost purpose and stay with you till you die. This is the definition of truly great art. Art which is only relevant to the time or needs to be explained is not good art. Art which relates to a small minority of people and is meaningless to the rest is not art. When looking at a work of art you should be able to see the artist’s intentions and feel what he was trying convey to the viewer. Art should be meaningful on its own but when combined with other works should be inspiring. A truly good piece of art should lead you around it, making you take in the story which is being conveyed by the artist.

This is what I think art should be

The bird has flown

Nov
10

Hello intermerweb and welcome to my first art review of a pair of artists that I despise. There are many artists who I dislike or even to whom i feel indifferent , but there are very few artists that I despise with such a passion that I would want to ride the world of their ‘art’. Gilbert and George fall into this category. Gilbert and George represent what is wrong with the art world, abusing their right of freedom of speech to the greatest extreme. Gilbert and George are two artists who aim to offend and disgust to boost their minuscule self-esteem. But enough off Gilbert and Georges attention seeking antics. Let’s delve into “Fates” a heinous excuse for art.

Protensus crap

To start off with I do have some positive points to talk about with reference to Gilbert & George. First off I quite like the style of each of their ‘paintings’. They are laid out into a grid system constructed of individual panels which can constitute individual works of art but together form the full atrocity of their ‘paintings’. A lot of their ‘paintings’ involve symmetry between each sides of their ‘works’. I find that this level of symmetry compliments the structure of the grid system. Now onto the content of Gilbert & Georges “Fates”. The entire content of this ‘artwork’ revolves around religious symbolism covering at least four majorly discernable world religions: Christianity, Hinduism, Islam and Buddhism. Now let’s talk about the top section of the ‘painting’. Along the top line are six lotus’ flowers. In the Hindu religion the lotus flower is a symbol of sexual purity and virtue, which is a huge contradiction when you look at Gilbert & George’s private lives and past ‘art’ exhibits. Moving down to the mid section we have a pattern laid out in the style of a triptych with Gilbert and George on either side and also merging together in the middle. In the left hand section of the triptych we have George Passmore posing with both hands raised displaying a two finger insult. The outer casing around him is mimicking medieval styles of architecture commonly used in alcoves or altars. The outer colour of the alcove is red symbolising evil within the Christian faith the inner color which George is dressed in is golden, a heavenly colour. Below George is an anonymous character with his legs upright supporting two lotus flowers, one at his feet and another at his waist. Above his head is a glowing halo. An object commonly used to represent a saint or an angel. To his right is a hand reflected along its central axis mimicking a gesture for peace bathed in a red ambient glow. Whilst on the flip side of the ‘painting’ we have Gilbert dressed in red set into a golden parapet once again with both is hands raised only showing two fingers on each hand. This is obviously representing a demonic presence because of the colour of his suit. Below him is a hand reflected along the centre only showing the index and little fingers. This is bathed in gold. To the right of it is another anonymous with his legs wide spread representing horns in a demonic fashion. In the middle of his legs are two half inverted lotus flowers. Above his head is a red halo……… you get the picture! Now i could carry on explaining each aspect of this colouring by numbers ‘art exhibit’ or I can tell you what i really thing of it. This has got to be one of the most deliberately offensive hanus excuses for art that i have ever seen. Gilbert and george deliberately set out to offend and upset multiple groups of people with this atrocity for the one and only purpose of making there pitiful existences mean something. the calus and caculated planing which went into the abomination could have been put too much better use on their behalf like i dont know maby finally giving into the urge of putting that barrow into there mouths and ending the angsting misery of there lives. the sheer arrogant is astounding not only are they aiming to offend in content but also to the eye with the childish colours which you expect to see in nursery school, the sheer level of disgust can be displayed correctly for this operated duo .Gilbert and george are the sort of artists which make me want to take away the right for freedom of speech due to how they disregard other people feelings and deliberately trample on all that is good and right in the world including the personal level of belive systems by picturing themselves as gods to us all, whilst at the same time making the te that religion is evil. they are evil and when rapture comes they will face a fiery end in the pit for the atrocity they have brought on the wold of art and the world itself. there is no forgiveness for them no excuse for what they have done. everything about “fates” has been planed out analysed and altered to offend the largest amount of people possible in content and also in style. Gilbert and george are not artists, they are butcher’s who have mutilated the concept and form of art from the purpose of inspiring to the purpose of offending. They are not artists nor are they human they are parasites leaching for there own benefit, and like all parasites their day will come they have to answer for there ‘works’ and i hope that when that day comes the rope doesnt snap.

Thank you for reading

The bird has flown

Nov
05

Hello intermerweb

Today I’m going to review an Ale. This ale is unique because of the special ingredients that it is brewed with. The Special ingredients are: Strong flavoured cereals, malts, fast fermenting yeast and Tyne River water. This is none other than Newcastle brown ale.

Newcastle_Brown_Ale_L

Newcastle brown ale? Is this about to become a miss leading name? The Newcastle brown brewery is about to leave its 121 home at the ‘Tyne Brewery’ to move to its new at gates head. So this raises the question should it be renamed ‘Gateshead Brown Ale’? Talking of names in the early 00’s Newcastle Brown Ale dropped the Ale from its name to appeal to the younger market. But after five sales remained unaffected so the Ale was reinstated in the name. Like Crack Newcastle brown goes by many other names in Newcastle. Two of these street names are: Newkey Brown and the dog (to northerners this is a man’s best friend).

Newcastle brown is a very hard ale to review due to its perfectly balanced taste nothing really stands out majorly in flavour. The blend of barley and wheat combined with the Tyne river water make it a brilliantly balance ale in taste and aroma. The addition of the carbonated gas gives the ale a perfect addition making the ale compete in taste and aroma. Newcastle brown is a perfect example of how to make a good ale and a highly recommendable when alcohol shopping

Newcastle brown is my favourite ale and has been a pleasure to review.

The Bird has flown